Today was a good day in the midst of a recent stretch of boredom and ennui. I think many feel this during these final days of winter when we are yearning for Mother Nature to speed forward another month. We are itching for green, fresh air and warmth. Mind you, today was not spring, but there was scorching bright sunlight and the cardinals were not far off in the treetops. Instead of mourning over a lack of a new career or plunging into panic, I decided to take advantage of the day at hand. I boarded up the dog in tow, as I usually do, and headed East to Minnehaha Falls on the banks of the Mississippi looking out over our fair sister city St Paul. The frozen mecca was yielding to spring with cascading water, bitter cold from the melting of the recent snows. The bare trees gave way to the beams of the sun, and I watched the giant sheets of ice find their way into the current until they disappeared downstream. Waylon, always the eager companion, dove right into the frigid water - chasing ducks, gnawing at stalled branches in the creek and bobbed for chunks of ice. It amazes me that the temps of the water don't phase him in the least. Time was at my disposal. And for a good 2 hours I didn't fear politics, MBA classes, job searches or even an empty pocket.
I stopped in at Dairy Queen and enjoyed a favorite hot fudge/ peanut butter sundae. I listened to great Strauss & Rachmaninoff on NPR was we drove the parkway and took in the beautiful day. A prevalent reminder to take time and smell the roses - even if they are not quite in bloom yet. It will only be a matter of weeks. Eager to get my hands in the dirt and the shorts back on. A good day.
True credit for this post goes to Rev. Jen Crow for planting the seed shared here. I am merely passing the tale along for others to read. Her Sunday sermon was about the possibilities of imagining with purpose. Recently I have been doing some "visioning" in alignment with my job search. I believe that the concept is "if you can see it, you can possibly be it." I am not sold on the concept yet, but open to the magic if it should find me. How is that for noncommittal? This particular story is a true one of Colorado native Scott Harrison. It is his Carousel of Happiness. The beginning of the tale starts in his days as a Vietnam Marine vet. As many soldiers carry charms or keepsakes to give them solace during their dark journeys, his was not the usual photograph or letter. For Scott it was a small music box that played Chopin's "Tristesse." He carried it with him through his bleakest days and said that it took him to a beautiful place in the mountains where a carousel was spinning. Harrison was one of the fortunate who managed to survive those jungles, yet brought home many of those same horrible visions.
Flash forward to 1986 when a friend told him of a vintage merry-go-round for sale and Scott jumped at the offer. The piece itself had been damaged by fire and wear - only the frame and motor were able to be salvaged. He brought it back to his native Colorado. And at that point he began to pursue a new calling of hand carving the animals for the ride. Mind you he had never done such a task in his life. But he wanted it to be a momentous keepsake for all. Instead of standard horses, he meticulously carved bright, whimsical and unconventional species. There are rabbits, pumas, St Bernards, kangaroos, mermaids - a colorful menagerie to choose from. In addition he decorated the canopy with tiny fairies that fade in and out of view as the ride revolves. This entire outpouring of joy is now a beacon for the residents of Nederland CO. It debuted in 2010 where rides are a simple $1. I hope to ride it one day. Prophetic Imagination indeed!
Please note, I am not intending to point fingers. Negotiation & problem solving have always been core to me and I guess I like to approach things from that angle. So I am merely shedding information that might help others assemble issues into something tangible.
From my short time at #PrideInstitute, I was given both a crash course and a glimpse into the world of Mental Health and how it not only impacts, but disrupts lives. I am by no means an expert. But I do have a grasp on its bigger picture. From the science side - their experts are certainly the "bottom feeders" of the medical pyramid. If you have a fever - the cause can be A,B,C and the remedy can possibly be 1, 2 or 3. Even in complex cases like cancer or AIDS where there is no cure, the prognosis gets clearer each year and there is no doubt that diagnosis is usually conclusive - unless someone has mixed up a lab result. But with mental health, it has only been in the last 50 years that any sort of credence has been given. Asylums and shock treatments may seem archaic, but look at any text book and you can see that they are still recent solutions. And it has only been in the last 25 years that doctors have begun to agree and notate what constitutes a mental health issue or tried to create some notable criteria that science can agree on. These are the doctors - the public is light years behind on comprehending any of this. So in most basic terms - a DSM code stands for a Diagnostic and Statistical Manual determination that serves as a current standard to everything from Bi Polar to Personality Disorders. A current notation of DSM V - refers to the latest update of the manual, current to 2013. To give some insight; homosexuality was wrestled with and first classified as a mental disorder by doctors in 1952. By 1972 only 20 years later, it was struck, as a new generation determined it was NOT an illness but a genetic trait. So one can see how tempestuous and temporary this slippery slope is.
Fast forward to our current political climate. Much mud has been flung at the walls, but it is the first time that scientists are entering the fray. Please look at the current diagnosis for Narcissitic Pesonality Disorder. There are 9 traits. This is not just bad mouthing someone's behavior. But trying to categorize it as a medical condition with specific parameters. Take time to read the approved list and tell me if this sum of the facts does not make some sort of logical sense? This does not offer up a cure. It is merely pointing out a roster of 9 possible traits that point to a learned conclusion. If you believe in this field, there is definitely some weight to the argument - even to an unlearned observer. But because this field of the medical community does not have the same heritage, it also doesn't carry the same pedigree of someone examining a physical chart of chemical levels and prescribed medications. And up to this point, it has never been deemed necessary to ask for any sort of mental health consult. A military advisor can offer up experienced witness. A legal team can offer up constitutional advice. We now also expect an entire Cabinet to lead in areas of designated experience. But never before have psychiatric mentors felt or been asked to offer their observations. But they are speaking up! So please, just consider. Do not react or debunk. But just look at the facts & logic and tell me if it does not at least offer up something new in the discussion.
With all the recent hype of "Alternative Facts" that are now apparently present in the world, my curiosity was piqued by an article that is looking at the Alternative Universe of a life without an AIDS epidemic. For a moment, think about where some of our icons would be 35 years later if nearly an entire generation of victims had not succumbed to an incredible tragedy. What would Rock Hudson look like in his twilight years? What art exhibits would Mapplethorpe be working on? What music projects would Freddie Mercury be collaborating on and in what genre? Film maker Leo Herrara hopes to tackle this enigma in a combined art/ faux documentary project called Fathers. If these lost pioneers were still alive, what wisdom and perspective could they offer as mentors to a younger generation that quickly seems to have lost a sense of the history that was earned for them? Using technology much like forensics, he plans to hypothesize what they might look like. And by drawing on historical sources of family, relationships and other survivors he hopes to create a maze of possibilities in the present. Think of it as a Time Machine that skipped a few horrible blips in the calendar of humanity. It is only in the crowd sourcing phase, but I can't imagine that handfuls of philanthropic gay men would not be lining up in droves to rally the troupes. It will be set in three worlds of New York, San Francisco and New Orleans where the effects of the AIDS crisis rippled the most. Imagine! The world of Oscar Wilde's Dorian Gray takes an unusual spin.
This post is not meant to add to the incitefulness of the political climate. But most likely will. It comes from a personal quest into career, but ultimately leads me back into the political arena that seems so corrupt and toxic right now.
If you have had conversations with me lately - you know that I'm re-evaluating where I fit into the non profit world and am trying to bring new skills of advocacy & negotiation to the table. They are traits that have always been there, I am just making sure they play a more important role where I land next.
For some additional training I took a worthwhile webinar this week on the topic of Lobbying. And while it is a VAST umbrella, the main intent was to make sure that us participants were able to grasp the distinction between advocacy vs. lobbying. In short, Advocacy is where you have a strong investment in any civic cause and want to make sure you are giving it support in your daily actions. By contrast, Lobbying is more specific where you are aiming that voice to a specific piece of Legislation and trying to sway votes in your court. A key point made, was that any elected official can not possibly know everything in detail about every issue that might cross their path. So in effect, the concept of lobbying, when well intentioned, should be a legal avenue to educate them. And along with this, there are also very black & white legalities over what is ethical and what crosses a line. Ironically, at this same time I have been informed of the existence of ALEC - the American Legislative Exchange Council, which is surprisingly a non profit itself. On paper it looks fine. It is a meeting ground where lobbyists from paid corporations (with an obvious interest in laws) can have table talks with actual legislators to "educate" them on a broad spectrum of topics; Education, Tax Reform, Agriculture - all the heavy hitters have a place here. But to me, the kicker is that all these conversations take place behind closed doors. So rather than a transparent, public forum, these Senators and Congressmen are being spoon fed language that is meant to favor the corporate side of the conversation who has money. In many cases the elected are not even paying for that spot at the conferences, but it is all catered for them as "resource scholarships" taking place at resorts or conference hotels. Also not surprising, are that the elected representatives in the MN contingent are from a certain Republican party as are most, which does make the bipartisan aspect of lobbying fair by any margin. What is crafted over these discussions is Boiler Plate language already pre-drafted, which has been shown in many cases to have been taken directly back to their Congresses and ultimately resulted in Bills on the floor that are verbatim. This smacks of corruption at the most basic level. Watch this expose from an ALEC meeting in GA and tell if you cannot see the conflict of interest. This is what we are up against!
There were a handful of childhood toys that remain with me; Incredible Edibles, Jane & Johnny West dolls, Astronaut G.I. Joe.... But Hot Wheels left one of the most indelible impressions on me. I had the yellow suitcase with all the square compartments for each car. I would constantly rotate the favorites week to week as I'd take the box over to neighbors to play. It was always a special treat to grab a new model off the rack at KMart where they had an entire aisle of them hanging in their small 8 inch boxes. And it was a revelation when they came out with the looping bright orange track - although more often than not, my cars would hesitate on the lift and then fall flat to the floor. This dizzying display is a world of wonder. With lanes & lanes of traffic and a huge conveyor belt lift. It looks like the L.A. freeway. Amazing. Lego Village, Erector sets, or even my sister's Easy Bake Oven didn't hold a candle to my Hot Wheels.
After a few days, here is the official list. I do this every year, not so much to show others, but to keep myself accountable. I always find that when I put something down in writing, it gives me a clearer course to chart along the way. Although I will admit I have become a bit more forgiving of myself. Rather than plead guilty in another month when the good intentions become bad efforts, I am more lenient about giving myself small gold stars for at least trying. I have also made the list shorter. I tend to be over ambitious and thus set myself up for failure. So instead of a major 10 goals, I am keeping it realistic at a mere few. We are also trying a new concept of "joint" resolutions for both Jeff and I. Of course, I pressed the point. But we shall see how these play out. And something else I added a few years back that has proved essential is the "bump" policy. In addition to something cumulative, each year I make a conscious choice to get rid of an obstacle in my life that is creating chaos or a dead weight. #1- Postcard a Day. I have always been an avid writer. Journaling while on vacation, sending a postcard from travels or even simple birthday cards. This year is a twist on that. I picked up a huge box of art cards and will send out a simple note each day to keep in touch with something more personal than a Facebook message or text. Expect one coming your way soon! For a $.32 stamp - you are worth it. #2 - Mindfulness & Wellness. I am lumping them all into one blanket statement so each day I at least stumble on some aspect of it. It can be as simple as a yoga class, a stretch before bed, or making sure I grab that piece of toast in the morning with the coffee. #3 - Game Night once a month. I have tried in vain on this one for 2 years now and am hoping third time is the charm. I love board games and have a whole closet full of them. All it takes is a few days planning to invite friends over with a bottle of wine. Make it happen. #4 - Baking once a month. I think this is a given and usually met. But I got a fabulous new candy apple red Kitchenaid mixer for the holidays and am making darn sure that the motor is going to be running at least once a month. #5 - Cabaret gigs. I managed to get one produced last year - my Coming Out Swinging set. It is monumental from digging up charts, arranging them, working with a new accompanist and then the huge task of finding the space and getting an audience there. I have at least 4 projects in the works that are sorted in binder by the piano. So I need to make sure I step it up and get at least two them on stage LIVE coming to you. Joint Resolutions A - Respecting each other's space. This house is barely big enough for one. Both Jeff and I are collectors - everything from record collections, books, photo albums, cookware, cookie cutters, sweaters... So we will try to make sure there is personal room for both of us and the pets in the midst of all the other clutter we flood our life with, B - Doable House projects. There is the VAST bucket list of major things like a new bathroom and kitchen, new windows and siding on the house. But we also need to look at smaller projects that can feasibly be done to make it seem like we are moving forward in some way. We are heading off to the Reuse It Center today to see where that can all start. C - Fish Bowl Dating. One of the first things we did when we started our relationship was come up with a fish bowl where we both jotted down unusual options for dates to keep things fresh. You know, instead of the usual Netflix and Chill! We always see things and new places and think "we should do this." So we are bringing it back. I know exactly where we left it in the dining room cabinet. Getting Rid Of %&^ - Bad Friends. This isn't a dissing choice. But you know how we all have that small pocket of people on the Christmas card list that you keep reaching out to year after year - and they never bother trying to reach back? I'm not pressing a delete button on them. But just making the wise choice to invest in that closer circle of friends whom you never seem to have enough time with. It's a two way street.
