Nasty Girls

I am asking this as an honest inquiry. What makes a woman NASTY or BITCHY?

I'm reading a large handful of threads where women are trashing their peers and labeling them nasty, trashy, mean.... on and on. So I am truly soliciting some incite from my female connections on how this term is "earned." I am wanting to hear from only women and hoping they can clearly articulate what it is that rubs one another the wrong way.

I know this is certainly driven by politics with Kamala in the spotlight. But for years there have been Hillary, Nancy Pelosi, Elizabeth Warren. The lists are endless. But what makes one disgusting rather than strong? There seems to be a very fine line coming around the corner from confident to catty. Why is Margaret Thatcher or Ruth Bader Ginsberg a hero while Hillary is trashed for having the same strength? I am truly asking.

And outside of politics, it ventures into every other realm of celebrity. Why are the women of The View vixens but yet Tomi Lahren can spew the same venom? Why were old Hollywood stars like Bette Davis and Kate Hepburn, who were known to be bitches, idolized. But modern stars like Jane Fonda, Bette Midler and Cher thrown to the wolves for publicly speaking their consciences? You can rattle off music greats down to C-list celebs on DWTS. I'm confused why it is okay to laugh at any of the Real Housewives shows and yet slam a strong woman on a national debate stage.

So I am throwing this out there. As a male I can certainly have a perspective and an opinion. But it is not my journey or place to mansplain. I am hoping to get a bit more insight on the ground rules for the labeling and name-calling about name-calling. I would think you would all celebrate achievements of peers rather than facing off in dodgeball games with colleagues. Educate me! 

 
I am guessing I will know a few 15 or 20 that will respond. But am more cusrious as to what you will say.

A Weekend in the Country

Stress has been a dominant presence in my life these last months. The same burden everyone else is feeling with the onslaught of world issues - both at large and at home. It has been an eternity since a real vacation. No sabbatical from work, not an opportune time to travel..... So many reasons.

But two weeks back, I was able to take a "respite" in the country. Just like Dorothy; sometimes escape is right in your own backyard. I have a friend who owns a lot of property west of Waconia. The whole family had a wilderness adventure in that when they bought the acreage, all that was on it was the original cabin lodge from the mid 1800s. They were fortunate to find a nearby parish house and had it moved onto the land which has now become their dream family home. But while the long term build happened, the 5 of them had to survive in this small 4 room cabin. A bit of plumbing and a few kitchen appliances made for a "functioning" kitchen and bathroom. One BIG family room with no internet - imagine that. And a second floor addition with a single bedroom for them all. I don't know ANY family who could survive this scenario for more than a single weekend. But they flourished.

Now a short few years later, their cabin has become a sort of retreat for family and friends. There is now a pool table, a vintage pinball machine in the kitchen and set up for big screen movie parties from a DVD player. The gorgeous screened in back porch has 2 custom built giant hammock swinging benches for couches. It is perfect for drifting off under the stars or an afternoon nap. And still no internet.

After a tentative start, where we left half of our food supply back at home, it made for a deserved and needed retreat away from the chaos of daily life. That porch swing was a gift when a vast thunder storm rolled in the first night. It felt refreshing to lay safely in a sleeping bag while the mist of the rains pelted me and made a rumble of noise. A jigsaw puzzle and a competitive game of Scrabble were plenty to pass the time away - I lost, but not without a close effort. There were fresh banana cupcakes and bruschetta from the hosts. Great coffee in the morning. Bottles of wine. And still no internet!

Most would not think of me as a rustic type, but my teen years were spent on acres much like these. We could walk with the dogs just feet away to the banks of the Crow River. Due to a dry summer, it became a mud patch of sorts. But I did put on waders and walked across the banks. It reminded me of old French Creek where, as kids, we would play in the mud until the leeches found us or we would pull crayfish from under shallow rocks. The dogs found a playmate and swam. There were of course s'mores around a bonfire with ghost stories. Borrowing an ATV to explore gravel roads with the wind & bugs hitting our faces. And long naps. It was amazing how the short 2 days felt like a good long week. As with any vacation, parting is heavy as we make our way back to whatever our daily grind is. But it was a welcome reminder that there still are finer and simple things to shock us back to life.

 

Pop-Up Floral

I am trying to share positive posts of the season that will bring some brightness & surprise over challenging weeks. Here is one that has caught my attention thanks to #BetteMidler who has a Twitter feed that is everything you would expect in terms of spouting and inspiration from the oddest of places. Most of you would not guess that she is a New Yorker who spends much time and money on gardens and projects all across the city.

This is a a florist in NYC, Lewis Miller Design who has been generously doing pop-up art projects in the oddest of places. His hope is to create moments of spontaneous joy as street traffic stumbles onto his massive displays of color and art. He talks about his roots in California where nature and color were vibrant everywhere. Then, how a move to the East changed his perspective and how flowers were not in that same abundance. He also talks about flowers being an impermanent thing that last only a short while and then can be changed to bring on a totally different aesthetic to the same room or location. An artist whose medium is nature.

The idea for his Flower Flash began on Friday evenings as he was taking home excess stock from his florist and noticing the attention the color brought from people around him. So he has found inspiration in everything from a fire hydrant to a fire escape. The concept was to "Be there, be beautiful and then disappear." Fans now eagerly await postings with a location on his Instagram page. I find them magnificent.

Lewis Miller Design - Instagram 

 

Business as Usual

This one has been burning in my head for the last few days. Every week is another curve ball in this whole COVID drama. Even though we are far in, I don't think we quite have the grasp of hindsight yet. So for me it is about checking in daily and taking inventory.

Yes there was the initial phase of jigsaw puzzles, baking recipes and learning technology for Zoom meetings. But to me, that is just biding time. I have my eyes set on the light at the end of tunnel and am starting to grasp the next level of division that is evidently coming.

Each state, city and even neighborhood is trying to decide how this withdrawal will work. We are having to rely on whatever leadership we have, whether we trust that or choose to defy the parameters. There is never going to be a mutual consensus that is agreed upon. It is unknown and even facts are blurry. From what I can see, there are tons of options with much middle ground and compromise.

But as everything in this country seems to now dissolve into, it is looking like it will again be a two-side battle. You are either a snowflake liberal that is demanding absolute quarantine and sweating at the palms with gloves and face mask on. Or you are a fanatic conservative waving a rifle on the Capitol steps or a playground saying that your rights are being violated.

Neither party is equipped to handle how opening a restaurant back up will unfold. Or how a non profit board will craft a new direction for a theater to survive. Either one is a very specific entity and needs to do what is right for the organization it serves. This may have nothing to do with a governor or a President. Only they are burdening the weight of foreclosure, mortgage payments, a payroll relying on them, skilled workers that they have trained. On the floor at work EVERY day; I get customers who are "so thankful that you are open and we needed this" to "Why are you open, where are your guidelines and why is every patron not wearing a mask?" Every one of them is entitled to an opinion. But they are not entitled to judge others. They are not living in those shoes or in that world. 

Sadly, each of us is going to have to choose how this situation affects us and what we can or cannot deal with. You can always make the choice to not shop or support this business. You can make the choice to advocate for artists that you love. But there is no absolute right and wrong. It is not Business as Usual. Be firm in yourself but not judgemental of the choices of everyone else. It is literally about your own survival, and while someone else choices may impact yours, it is ultimately your own to make.

Tiptoe Through the Tulips - and Beyond!

I am trying to find some stimulation beyond isolation, quarantine and all the other buzz words that haunt our new daily routines. It is obviously Spring and so many of us are hands-in to our gardens, checking out hatching chicks or looking towards blue skies & longer days. Small pleasures.

But I am still seeking out larger things that can inspire and celebrate. This is an old archived article going back a few years that has been sitting on virtual ice. Today seemed a good time to put it in print. Who doesn't love a #Parade? We have our jewels of Macy's for Thanksgiving and the Rose Bowl for New Years. This one is a stunner in the Netherlands called the Corso Zundert. It takes place in the Fall around what would be our Labor Day; the end of summer and the harvest season. There are 20 nearby hamlets around Zundert that compete for the coveted prize in the festival.

Of course we always associate the country with tulips, but this is months after the bulb blooms. Floats are made using Dahlias, Sunflowers petals and 100s of other varieties. Imagine our Rose Bowl with a spin of modern art and psychedelia. The floats are absolutely mind blowing. The ones that originally captivated me were from 2015 when the theme of the Festival was Vincent VanGogh. I cannot even imagine seeing these live. But as I went to the website and the archives, there are pics going back to the late 1930s, impressive even for back then.


Enjoy some of this shared beauty and imagine what they must have looked like up close!

Corso Zundert Official site

Date Night

Considering that Jeff and I spent our Valentine's date at Taco Bell, and were happy with that - maybe we need to raise the bar a bit higher?! We do have our regular haunts that usually involve a dinner out. Favorites like Jason's Deli, Red Cow, Mayan Cuisine or even Perkins - don't laugh at that $9.99 burger and pie special! We also have special places we like such as Centennial Lakes Park any season of the year. Or a road trip East to Hudson or Franconia Sculpture Gardens.

I am catching up here on a feature from City Pages well over a year back. This tells you something there. We started out trying a concept called Fishbowl Dating where we would each put in strips of paper with unusual adventures on them. And when time came, we would draw one out and that became our outing. I know where that fishbowl rests in the armoire stereo cabinet with quite a handful of tags right where they were left. Part of our challenge is that Jeff likes indoor stimulation like films and museums and I am more of the outdoor type in the woods with trees or along a sandy beach.

I filed this article away and am pulling it out for 2020 as the winds change and Spring is going to allow us more chances to literally "get out."

There are of course, many bar options. Some greasy ones. But also fun kitsch like Marvel Bar & Volstead's Emporium which I have not seen yet. I've done the cheap berm seats at the Saints, but we have never done the roof top mini golf at either the Walker or Centennial Lakes. I also cannot believe that we have never boarded the infamous Ferris Wheel at Betty Dangers! We do Minnehaha with the dogs all the time, but I don't believe we have followed it all the way into the Mississippi and the caves. Who knew the U of MN had a Bioscience Greenhouse? The House of Balls on the West Bank? Did you know that the Parkway has film fests called Scream It Off the Screen where at 3 minutes into the film, the audience shouts back at the screen to yae or nay. Sort of like a live Gong Show. We do love the board games at the original Chatterbox. But I had no idea the Local had a kissing booth in the back of the bar??? So many things to chose from in this exhausting list. Or perhaps it will stimulate some ideas of your own.

The point is to grab your someone; special or just kinda special and get on out!

50 First Dates

Steadfast; onward!

I have been mulling over my New Year's Resolution for a few days now. I also learned a while back to refer to them as #Intentions. Resolution feels so firm & fixed and leads you down that rabbit hole of failure & guilt when falling short. The concept of an intention greets me better to make the attempt with some permission and flexibility. An intention implies there is a goal or a target at the end. I write this post as more of a journal entry to hold myself accountable than to broadcast it to the masses. But here it is in ink or at least print.

I had been toying with concepts like #Simplify #Breathe #GoGetIt. Generic enough to mold, but not so esoteric that they are not clear in my mind. And then a saw a Facebook post from a friend in Chicago, Whitney Rhodes whom I admire. And she is using the short phrase Steady. I didn't want to grab that, but was drawn to the idea and sat on it for a while to see where it led me. And I am taking it a step further in #STEADFAST.

I remember it from Hans Christian Andersen's The Steadfast Tin Soldier. The term itself seems almost Victorian. As I am digging into it tonight, I see that it has many religious overtones with bible quotes which almost pressured me against it. Some of the definitions are a bit too stoic for me with words like unwavering, unflinching, inflexible. All of these tap into a rigidness I do not want to practice. But there are other words like constant, loyal, determined, resolute and reliable which speak strongly to me. I have the confidence down for the most part. But sometimes, lose focus or am swayed away from my true instincts. And I think this word is a strong reminder to stay the course. So please ask me how I am doing with this concept 8 months down the road!

Here is a noteworthy quote by Victor Hugo that gives me clarity on this idea: “Change your opinions, keep to your principles; change your leaves, keep intact your roots.”